Carpool Confessions “Tangled and Tardy”

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Confession – We’ve been tardy all of 5 times the month of March! This is not the norm I assure you. Daylight savings…sheesh. In my defense, our tardies have been in the 8:01-8:02 range and there has been major construction on the road. However, technically kids are supposed to be in their classrooms seated before the bell rings. Soooo yeah…I’m failing at punctuality and mornings have been a mess. YES, I do everything I can the night before.

So how can one have an hour and half each morning to get three kids up, dressed and in the car and STILL be tardy? There are, surprisingly, MANY.

For example, today Offspring #2 decided it was more important to play with fur baby Bella and mark dates off her calendar than to brush her blond locks and attach her size 3 sneakers to her 10 piggies.

It went down a little something like this…

“Kids we CANNOT be tardy again! You have a whole 45 minutes to eat, dress, brush teeth and get bottoms in the car. Chop chop! Make it happen or those little iPads you see right there are going POOF.”

Older two are dressed within 10 minutes but the Tasmanian devil child is still asleep in MY bed because he is in the habit of sneaking under the covers around 3:00am every night. The battle of wills begins with me stripping off pajamas and him kicking while I wrestle the darn “choo choo” pull up on over his cute little buns. Phew! He’s ready.

Fast forward until 5 minutes pre departure time.
Baby girl is KILLING me.

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“Brush your hair child so help me!
“What do you mean you can’t FIND your brush?! You just SAID you were BRUSHING your hair.”
“Where are your shoes?”
“Never mind. Here they are! Put them on in the car.”

I begin brushing her tangled mop. She’s screaming for maximum diva effect, Tasmanian devil child hits her in the head with his firetruck and yells “stop it sissy!” Oh it’s on now.

Finally…I open the back door and then fur baby Bella runs out. Geez! Ok, fur child is back inside, everybody is in the car and the beast child is contained in his car seat. Baby girl is holding her shoes and sobbing “I hate my life! You don’t understand the ways of little girls!”

Me – “Baby! Mama loves you but all I asked you to do was brush your hair so we wouldn’t be late and you had like 30 minutes to do it.”

“You don’t know what’s it’s like to have long hair like me! You aren’t a girl and you don’t understand me!.”

(Insert deer in headlights emoji)
Ummm…
A) I had long hair as a kid (it’s long NOW)
B) Last time I checked I was, in fact, a girl.

Eldest child throws his hands up in the air and gives me that “seriously?” look. I look back at her “Seriously?”.

20 minutes later we arrive at school. As the car comes to a halt, I cheerfully proclaim “Mama loves you! Have a FABO day! Yay! 5 minutes to get in your seats. Smooch.”

The toddler and I then round the corner. He lets out this massive sound and proudly states “Mama, I burp”.

At least we weren’t tardy!

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