The Gravity Of Your Marriage

If you ask NASA their official word on what gravity is, their response (before all the technical jargon) is “We really don’t know.”  Although the best and brightest scientific minds are unable to tell us exactly what gravity is, they can with confidence say that it is a “field of influence” because they only know how it operates or behaves.

What defines marriage? That means many different things to a whole lot of folks but we can witness how two people behave while in it.

I would argue that marriage and everything resulting from it influence us the remainder of our earthly lives.

Interestingly enough, gravity and our relationship with our significant other are similar entities in that they both can be studied and understood by how they affect the energies around them.

How?

1) Gravity and marriage both cause energies to come together.

Gravity is defined as a natural phenomenon by which all things with mass are brought toward one another. All forms of energy, including light, are under the influence of it.

Can’t you remember that first time feeling of twitterpated bliss? Under the influence of raging pheromones, sweaty palms and racing heart possibly resulting from, oh I don’t know, broad shoulders, manly hands and the perfect blend of auburn red hair?

You can’t escape gravity and you surely can’t escape cupid all dolled up in his baby diaper with bow and arrow. As a scientist about to delve into basic understandings of one of the most intriguing universal elements and two people beginning a new relationship, this is the fun stage.

2) Gravity and marriage both causes movement and change.

Now these two entities start to become tricky. It’s all about the formula of the situation. As the new wears off in our relationships and you throw stressful jobs, 2.5 kids and a fur ball or two into the mix, the tides start to turn.

Symbolically, gravity impacts the planetary courses and based on other factors, can also be an influence in planets colliding. Boom! Ever changing, always moving, yet there is some predictability of pattern we can study. Marriage, and the elements of both parties, changes us.

3) Gravity and marriage can cause consequences, some one may never fully escape from.

Science is sexy. Hang in there with me here.

The Theory of Relativity describes gravity as a consequence of the curvature of spacetime caused by an uneven distribution in mass or energy from which nothing can escape, not even light.

As gravity can create potentially inescapable circumstances, such as a Black Hole, what two people do to themselves or one another can throw a marriage into a deep, dark abyss with no light and no seeable path to climb out of. That’s a scary place to be. Most marriages experience this.

4) Gravity and marriage can become such after thoughts that we aren’t even aware of how they affect us.

Two establishments of human existence and yet they are such commonalities that we sometimes fail to appreciate and focus on them. Whether it’s about science or relationships, we should take the time to dwell on those things that are good and not take them for granted.

5) The good news: Gravity and a strong marriage give us life.

Gravity centers us and keeps us from flying off into outer space, being suffocated, scalded in the atmosphere or loss of muscle mass, just to name a few. A fully functional marriage makes our outlook on the world a much better place and positively affects all those around us.

The gravity of the situation is that marriage is hard but it’s such a worthwhile fight. It matters, it’s eternal, it’s life changing. We are fooling ourselves if we think we will never be in a season where our closest relationships won’t be tested.

So, here’s to those of you out there in your own relationship hurdles. It’s inevitable but it can be done. Commitment and love are our foundations of existence.

Marriage can either turn into a really tragic, C-Grade, Star Trek Deep Space 9 episode with fake sets and faulty voice communicators OR a Gone With The Wind omitted scene where Scarlett and Rhett reunite on the steps of Tara, forging through all the mess they created in their relationship, rebuilding the life they were supposed to have in the first place (with a full moon and Venus in the background of course).

So there. Nerdy content with a message. Keep the faith in one another and the One who brought you together in the first place.

 

The Time I Failed My Husband

There are some things that come super easy to do for our significant other. What makes my man happy? In our home, it’s me performing acts of service such as cooking, running errands and back scratches. Well, not so much back scratches anymore. Why? Three kids, one dog, all over me, all the time. Sorry babe. Get in line. 🙂

There are other things that I LOATH within my domestication arsenal. I mean, stuff I REALLY dislike doing in our home. I hate it so much that I literally put it off until the rack in the laundry room can hold no more. I don’t pay someone else to do it because, well, I’m a full-time mom and that makes me feel guilty. That wretched thing is IRONING people. It backfired on me this weekend though. I failed my husband. Here’s my story:

This weekend the baby daddy and I were able to get away for a wedding where our children were not invited. (Yassss! Thank you unnamed bride from heaven above. High five, fist bump.) We bolted out-of-town as fast as we could, cruised the interstate for a few hours and then joyfully checked into our King Suite hotel room. Ah…freedom!

We were getting all dolled up to go adult on a hot date and the father of my three children asked me. “Hey babe, can you please iron my shirt?”

I am under zero stress, it’s only one measly shirt and there is literally nothing else for me to do so I sarcastically say with a smile, “Sure! I love to iron and, also, I’m staying at a Holiday Inn Express.”

I whip out the ironing board from the closet, plug-in the iron, let it heat up for a few, grab the dress shirt and get to work. Shoulders done. Sleeves accomplished. Why don’t I do this more? It’s really not that bad when there’s no chaos going on.

Then, I move to the torso of the shirt. What the? The shirt is dirty! “Babe, why didn’t you have me wash this shirt before we left?” He replies, “well, I didn’t know if you would iron it or not.” Ok, solid burn. Point made.

I wash it as best I can under the circumstances and get it looking acceptable. I present the flawed merchandise to my beloved husband. My shock? He grins from ear to ear, is so appreciative and bear hugs me while thanking me profusely.

The next night, same thing. I whip out the iron, grab the shirt, start the process and I find that shirt also needed to be washed! I straight up hang my head in shame as I double-check all the creases and make sure the collar is crisp.

I think to myself, “how long has it really been since he threw a dress shirt in the laundry? Surely I would have taken care of it if I would have known. But wait, there is that one shirt he gave you that’s been hanging in the laundry room from five months waiting to be ironed.”

Gah! Reality came crashing down on me. My poor husband hasn’t been putting his shirts in the laundry because he doesn’t have the confidence in me that I will get it back in his closet cleaned and ironed in a timely manner! Just go ahead and slap the Scarlet Letter on my forehead and stone me in the city center. Oh the shame!

I felt so bad that, today, I went through every article of clothing in his closet, washed everything that was dirty or needed to be ironed and made it happen. It took all of seven hours to be exact because I’m not the most proficient ironer and, as always, had to multitask. I even put the clothes back in the closet. Say what?

I guess I say all this to point out the fact that sometimes the things we dislike doing the most are the very things that make our spouse feel loved and appreciated. Life goes by so fast with kids. We blink and literally it’s been months and we have neglected our spouse in some way.

As nerf bullets whiz by my face, the four-year old yells “get ’em daddy” and my eldest ducks behind the couch with his double barrel, I remember that I forgot to put up the four articles of freshly ironed clothing in one of the kid’s closets. I pause writing to knock that out before I forget.

Well, no good deed goes unpunished! Low and behold the dog has had an apparent accident of epic proportions and the kitchen still needs to be cleaned. For real? I’ve been a good wife today. That pup sure is cute but…”Honey, help!”

He delivers. We are both happy. In this moment, we have an exchange of teamwork and mutual appreciation. Marriage isn’t always this way but what a reminder of how good it is when we get it right.

I despise ironing but I’ll learn to “tolerate” it. Wink wink.

For love, marriage and unwrinkled clothes.